I cannot remember a time in my life that I did not know I was donor conceived. I was raised by the most amazing single mother and never lacked anything, but I was constantly reminded I did not have a dad.
Deciding to use donor sperm or eggs is often a result of a fertility complication. In this emotional process, the consideration of how donor conceived people (DCP) will feel about their conception is often overlooked.
The answer is simple: as soon as possible. Donor conceived people (DCP) need to know the truth about their conception from birth, or at the very least, prior to age 3.
Gratitude and grief are not mutually exclusive. It is not necessary to be grateful for your method of conception if it is intertwined with trauma or loss.