Ask a Therapist: How Can I Convince My Wife to Reach Out to Our Sperm Donors?
A parent wonders how to convince their wife that they should reach out to their sperm donors for the sake of their children.
A parent wonders how to convince their wife that they should reach out to their sperm donors for the sake of their children.
A recipient parent wonders how to discuss donor conception with her two-year-old child.
An intended parent wonders whether it is possible to do single parenthood by choice "right."
A recipient parent wonders how to navigate questions from her child when her country mandates anonymity.
An intended parent wonders how her potential donor and brother in law would tell his children about donating sperm.
I cannot remember a time in my life that I did not know I was donor conceived. I was raised by the most amazing single mother and never lacked anything, but I was constantly reminded I did not have a dad.
I was born in London to two mums who used an anonymous sperm donor to conceive me. I was raised knowing my conception story, as it was talked about casually, and all my questions were answered to their best ability as I grew up.
I’m sure I said, “It’s actually a ‘donor’ not a father.” I can remember my voice saying, “Our daughter doesn’t have a dad. She has two moms.” But much of that changed for me when I found out about my own donor conception experience.
"I joke with people that my first thought was, 'I’ve been diluted.' And as humorous as it may be to joke that finding out I was half white contributed to a sense of identity or cultural 'dilution,' it simultaneously created an incomparable sadness that took years to deconstruct."
Parents who want to keep donor conception a secret are usually trying to protect their child from emotional and relationship distress, but secrets are no guarantee of protection. Just as anonymity is hard to protect for a lifetime, genetic information is hard to keep secret for a lifetime.