DEAR ASK A THERAPIST: How do you deal with cultural differences in disclosure to your children? My parents are immigrants from a culture that focuses on genetic lineage and have warned me against telling my son (now nearly 7) about his origins. They also believe that because we are family, contacting any genetic siblings would not be a good idea. (It was an anonymous donation but we have contacted some genetic siblings.) They think that telling the world, especially the rest of our family, would bring shame as well. – RECIPIENT PARENT
DEAR RECIPIENT PARENT:
This is such an important and deeply personal question. You’re definitely not alone in wondering how to navigate it. Many parents who use donor conception wrestle with cultural expectations and family traditions around lineage, privacy, and reputation.
In many communities, ideas surrounding bloodline and ancestry carry deep meaning, and concerns about family or community shame are very real. Those feelings matter and deserve care and compassion. I also want to hold space for your own process here. It makes complete sense if you’re feeling pulled between honoring cultural expectations, family influence, and newer ideas about openness in donor conception. It takes bravery to even name that tension and start this conversation.
As you think through your options, I’d invite you to consider your child’s long-term sense of identity and well-being. From the lens of being donor conceived, a child’s story ultimately belongs to them. Both research and lived experience show that learning about their origins early —in loving, age-appropriate ways—can nurture secure attachment and a strong sense of self for a donor conceived person. When parts of identity are kept private, even with the best intentions, it can sometimes create confusion or hurt later on.
Openness doesn’t have to mean rejecting your family’s values or sharing personal details widely. It might simply mean finding a way to tell your child the truth while still honoring your culture’s emphasis on belonging and unity. You could frame it as part of what makes your family unique and strong, or as an act of love and honesty that reflects your commitment to one another.
It can also be helpful to connect with other parents navigating similar cultural or generational tensions. Many families are finding ways to balance openness with respect for tradition, and to redefine pride not as secrecy, but as the courage to share truth with compassion.
Kat Boldt, LPC (she/her), Kat Boldt, LPC, (she/her), is a donor conceived person who completed her Master’s in Mental Health Counseling at Northwestern University in 2024. Initially studying Biomedical Engineering at Case Western Reserve University, Kat discovered her passion for mental health and shifted her career toward counseling. Now practicing at Cleveland Sex & Intimacy Counseling, Kat is committed to providing affirming care to adult clients dealing with issues related to sexuality, gender identity, and reproductive technologies, including donor conception.